The Bible – Sod 'Em
Posted by Ray
Genesis 19 is a fun little tale, full of reversals and surprises. It begins with two angels going to visit Lot in Sodom. Lot welcomes them in and offers a good foot washing and feeding session. As is polite and in custom with receiving visitors. Especially angels. Shortly after they arrive, the local men turn up and demand that the angels be sent out that they may “know” them. Hmm. In fact, the men of Sodom surrounded the house – so the angels would have had a lot of knowledge!
However, Lot had a cunning plan. A very cunning plan. He offered his two virgin daughters. That’s right, given the choice between allowing two strangers (who happened to be angels and well able to take care of themselves) to be gang raped and allowing his daughters to be gang raped, Lot felt that the lesser of two evils means giving up your daughters. A wise plan, he could always make more daughters whereas angels are a finite resource. Right?
The men insist, so the angels give them a right royal smiting and leave all the men blind. Not sure whether they were actually blind or whether the angels merely hid the house from sight. Either way, they were all safe. And then the angels said to Lot, get your family, collect your sons in law because we have to leave before God destroys the city. Weirdly, the sons in law (who apparently really want to sex men) are outside the house, not inside with their wives. The sons in law don’t get saved I’m afraid.
So Lot, his wife and his daughters leg it as fire and brimstone hits Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot’s wife decides that it would be a good idea to see what’s happening, despite being told not to… She gets turned into a pillar of salt. Hopefully she learned her lesson and is now integrated back into normal society. Anyway, Lot and the rest of his family (the two daughters) go to Zoar. Which they quickly left because Lot now fears cities. They went to the mountain and things get a little…
19:30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.
19:31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
19:32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
19:33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
19:34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
19:35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
19:36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.
19:37 And the first born bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.
19:38 And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.
What I find amazing is that the last part is not the most screwed up bit of the Bible.
Genesis 20 – Abraham is still being a dick to just about everyone. He travelled south to Gerar and said, again, that Sarah was his sister. Here’s a thought – after the trick played on Pharoah, maybe Abraham changed his name to avoid a beating or a killing. You see, he’s pulled the same trick twice now and I think that kings would talk about this sort of thing. So, our man with an alias, goes to Gerar and, predictably, the king takes Sarah.
God comes to the king in a dream and threatens to kill him for touching Sarah. So we have a holy protection racket going on. he king says that he hasn’t touched Sarah and God explains that she is Abraham’s wife. The king, again a decent kind king, gives Abraham a load of money and animals and lets him go with Sarah. And God, because he is kind, reverses his curse (that isn’t mentioned until near the end) and the women can give birth again.
That’s all I can take now. Yet another king is offered Sarah and yet again God acts as Pimp Daddy Abraham’s enforcer and they again extort money.
Genesis 21 offers Abraham the opportunity to commit murder. Which we will see next time.
Posted on 27 February, 2010, in The Bible-Readalong and tagged Abimelech, Abraham, Angels, atheism, Authorized King James Version, Bible, Book of Genesis, christianity, Genesis, God, Good News Bible, judaism, King James Version, Lot, Lot's Daughters, Lot's Wife, new testament, old testament, read along, References and Tools, Religion and Spirituality, Sarah, skeptical, Sodom and Gomorrah. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.