I Have A Cunning Plan
While sitting here contemplating all sorts of higher stuff, I have concocted a plan. A plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel (thank you Ben Elton and Richard Curtis). A plan so mind numbingly awesome that you, yes you, sitting in front of your computer will reel when the sheer majesty of my plan becomes apparent.
And that plan is….. I have decided to become famous.
Now I can hear you naysayers out there, “but Ray, that’s not how it works. You can’t just decide to become famous and have it work out”. Well all I can say to that is, “yes I can and yes it will”. So there.
If we are to believe the magazines and shows, to become famous you need to be an actor/writer/singer or sleep with an actor/writer/singer or alternatively be extremely rich and have people wonder exactly what it is you do all day. But, using my cunningfulness, i have decide to bypass all that rubbish and go straight to the end: I have declared myself famous and you can all now bask in my awesome and terrible fame.
Of course, once I’ve been famous for a while I’ll need a sex scandal to continue and enhance my fame. Well, when it gets to that point, I shall declare that I have had a sex scandal (maybe a drugs scandal if I have the time) and you can all continue with your adulation.
It won’t be easy, let me tell you. You members of the Ray Fan Club (one of you may have to think of a different title, whoever gets voted Club President can deal with that) will have your rivals in the Somebody Else Fan Club, but just stay strong. I will happily mention the Club members in passing on the various news shows and red carpets. While I fill a swimming pool with all my money (the Club will need a Secretary of Making Ray Rich, by the way) and swim around in it, I promise now to spend not less that 5 (five) seconds thinking of you all each day. (Actually, the Club may need a Secretary of Reminding Ray to Think About the Club – someone get onto that).
So stay strong and get me the fame and adulation I deserve.
(yes, I had nothing better to do this evening)