I Have A Cunning Plan

While sitting here contemplating all sorts of higher stuff, I have concocted a plan. A plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel (thank you Ben Elton and Richard Curtis). A plan so mind numbingly awesome that you, yes you, sitting in front of your computer will reel when the sheer majesty of my plan becomes apparent.

And that plan is….. I have decided to become famous.

Now I can hear you naysayers out there, “but Ray, that’s not how it works. You can’t just decide to become famous and have it work out”. Well all I can say to that is, “yes I can and yes it will”. So there.

If we are to believe the magazines and shows, to become famous you need to be an actor/writer/singer or sleep with an actor/writer/singer or alternatively be extremely rich and have people wonder exactly what it is you do all day. But, using my cunningfulness, i have decide to bypass all that rubbish and go straight to the end: I have declared myself famous and you can all now bask in my awesome and terrible fame.

Of course, once I’ve been famous for a while I’ll need a sex scandal to continue and enhance my fame. Well, when it gets to that point, I shall declare that I have had a sex scandal (maybe a drugs scandal if I have the time) and you can all continue with your adulation.

It won’t be easy, let me tell you. You members of the Ray Fan Club (one of you may have to think of a different title, whoever gets voted Club President can deal with that) will have your rivals in the Somebody Else Fan Club, but just stay strong. I will happily mention the Club members in passing on the various news shows and red carpets. While I fill a swimming pool with all my money (the Club will need a Secretary of Making Ray Rich, by the way) and swim around in it, I promise now to spend not less that 5 (five) seconds thinking of you all each day. (Actually, the Club may need a Secretary of Reminding Ray to Think About the Club – someone get onto that).

So stay strong and get me the fame and adulation I deserve.

(yes, I had nothing better to do this evening)

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Posted on 16 October, 2007, in Generalities, Stupidities and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. So should I register rayisfamous.com to start the fan club? You think the server will be able to handle the load? It’s available. famousray.com wasn’t available, some pizza site or something. I didn’t know you made pizza’s. 😉

  2. Drew as “Supreme Commander of Webby Stuff” I will leave that entirely up to you. I just need a marketing manager now…..

  3. Well, I’d love to offer myself up as the Club President but I’m afraid that I might drown out your fame with my own. 😉

  4. Good point. You can be the Secretary in Charge of Standing in the Shadows 🙂

  5. What you need…. is a certain kind of tape, probably made with night vision!

  6. But that will give somebody else extra fame and it must be all about me. I will let you be in charge of organising the swimming pool to store my money though 🙂

    Welcome to the site.

  7. How big is your swimming pool going to be? Will it be the kiddy pool variety or more of an Olympic sized pool?

    • It would need to be huge, of course. I’m leaving details like that to the Club officers – The Secretary of Making Ray Rich may need to form a working party with The Secretary of Building Ray’s Pool and The Secretary of Filling Ray’s Pool. We rich types always have people for that sort of thing.

  8. You need a Porsche with red leather interior and a stylish colored xenon headlights…
    Looks like your Secretary of Standing in the Shadow will be busy…

  9. So how are you going about becoming famous? I share a similar dream but am not sure where to start.

  10. Ray, can we hang out sometime? I always wanted to buy a famous dude lunch or something…

  11. I would like to be the (story) writer if you could narrate your dream everyday! Wish you all the best to become famous in reality 🙂

  12. What you need…. is a certain kind of tape, probably made with night vision!

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