Things that make you go "aaaah, bless"

During the height of the 419 craze, when all of you were being contacted by random Nigerians who were offering riches beyond the dreams od Croesus, I was uncontacted – even on my spam harvesting Hotmail account (no link to Hotmail, if you don’t know it by now, is this the internet you are looking for?)  I felt hurt and ignored, but over time the ache went away.

Recently, I was sent an email from the Chase Manhatten Bank needing my account details.  Do you know, I typed all my details, PIN numbers and passwords into my reply and was just about to hit send when I thought “hang on, I don’t have a Chase Bank account“.  Phew, disaster averted.

Anyway, welcome to a few years ago.  I feel I have finally arrived on the internet.

>From The Desk of:
Mr. Anthony Jansen
Branch Operations Manager Custody / Clearing
Rabo Bank
Den Haag - The Netherlands


Dear Prospective Partner,

How are you today and business in your country? I am Mr. Anthony Jansen,
Of the above bank. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of
this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by
as a result of this email. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I
believe would be of interest to you. I know you would be wondering why I am
writing you with such a request. I will only urge you to read on for clear understanding.

In June 1998, a German Oil consultant/contractor with the British Solid Minerals
Corporation, Mr.  BENJAMIN JESSE-JAMES made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for
twelve calendar months (AMOUNT WITHELD FOR SECURITY REASONS) with my bank where I
am Branch Operations Manager. Upon maturity of his deposit, Rabo bank
Investments and loans department sent a routine notification to his forwarding address in
America and Germany but got no reply. After a month, we also sent a reminder and finally
discovered from his contract employers, the British Solid Minerals Corporation that Mr. BENJAMIN
JESSE-JAMES died alongside his wife, from the plane crash in Nova Scotia which you can as well view.


http://www.greatdreams.com/crash.htm


This led to my bank's immediate launch of an investigation into
reaching a possible surviving next of kin to alert about the situation and also
to come forward to claim his estate.If you are familiar with private banking
affairs, those who patronize Rabo Bank private services usually prefer anonymity, but also
some levels of detachment from conventional processes. In his bio-data form, he
listed no next of kin. In the field of private banking, opening a private account with
us means no one will know of its existence since such accounts are rarely held under a
particular name because some depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts
anonymous. I must let you know that Rabo bank also gives the choice to depositors of
having messages sent to them or held at the bank itself, ensuring that there are no traces of
the account and as such rarely do they nominate next of kin.
Private banking clients apart from not nominating next of kin also usually in most cases leave wills in our
care, in
this case; MR. BENJAMIN JESSE-JAMES died interstate.


In line with our internal processes for account holders who have passed
away, we instituted our own investigations in good faith to determine
who should have right to claim the estate.This investigation has for the past
months been unfruitful because no one has been contacted as far as this
management is concerned. We have scanned every continent and used our private
investigation affiliate companies to get to the root of the problem.

This very large sum has since been sitting in my Bank and the interest
is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year.No one will
ever come forward to claim it, and according to the New  Laws of The Netherlands, at the
expiration of 7(seven) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the
Netherlands Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.What I wish to relate to
you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something,it is
only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the
banking world aberrational. The world of banking especially is fraught with huge
rewards for those who occupy certain offices and oversee certain portfolios.You
should have begun by now to put together the general direction of what I propose.
There is a large amount of money deposited in my bank,I as the Branch Operations
Manager alone have the deposit details and I will release the due funds to no one
unless evidence of relationship with the deceased. Since I alone have the power to
attest to the claim and know of the existence of this deposit. As far as Rabo
Bank  is concerned, the bank's management has no single idea of what's the
history or nature of the deposit. They are simply awaiting instructions to
release the deposit to any party that comes forward. This is the situation.
This bank has tried a lot to track this man's
family; they have investigated for months and have found no family. This
investigation has come to an end. Consequently, my proposal is that I will like
you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin.
I am aware of the consequences of this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you
please let
me know.I plead that you do not be vindictive and destructive. If my offer or
percentage share is of no appeal to you,please let me know because of the time
frame available of the said funds being confiscated, but please do not destroy my
career because you do not approve of my proposal to you. You may not know this
but people like me who have made tidy sums out of comparable situations run the
whole private banking sector. I am not a criminal and what I do, I do not find
against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand now, but the
dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move and fast, because such
opportunities only come ones' way and probably once in a lifetime. I cannot let
this chance pass me by, for once I find
myself in total control of my destiny. I ask that you do not destroy my
chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on
with my life but do not destroy me. I am a family man and this is an
opportunity to provide my family with new opportunities. There is no risk
whatsoever as all the paperwork,my position as a Branch Operations Manager with
Rabo bank guarantee the successful execution of this transaction. If you are
interested in this lucrative role, I urge you to indicate to that effect.

Upon your response, if favorable, I shall then provide you with more
details and relevant information that will help you get full understanding of the
transaction.


Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Anthony Jansen
Branch Operations Manager.
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Posted on 5 April, 2006, in Stupidities. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Do you know ray, I recently received the good ole fashioned Nigerian spam in my Yahoo account? None of this new fangled stuff 😛

  2. Advanced stuff! 😛

    I still get the Nigerian spam, but Gmail usually filters it quite well. I say “usually” because the odd one tends to make its way into my inbox anyway 😉

    With regards to the Chase Manhattan Bank problem (although, gladly, you didn’t go ahead with it!), I always go by: Why are they asking for your details if they should know them? That is, if it really is a bank, why are they asking for your card number, PIN, etc if they already have them? Unless of course you get a call or email about ‘verification’ of your details, in which case I always ask them why they need them and, when it’s a call, I always call them back.

    I had a call recently about a credit card upgrade, and they needed to know my details to verify that I really was Max _. Problems with the call:
    1. I don’t have a credit card. I have debit.
    2. It was from a mobile number – the idiots forgot to mask it.
    3. I followed my rule of ‘they know the details’.
    Eventually I got tired of the guy’s banter about the ‘benefits’ of this ‘card upgrade’ (which were obviously a load of rubbish), and I told him to bugger off or I’d report him to the Police. Hasn’t called back since 😀

    Now that I’ve gone quite a bit off-topic, you can forget about this comment and pretend it isn’t here.. Carry on with the Nigerian discussion 😛

  3. Nah, it seems to be the season for it. There was an email at work recently telling us that someone is calling around and pretending to be from our HR department.

    It’s sad that not only is this sort of thing still around, but it works.

  4. The latest:

    POSTCODE LOTTERIJ INTERNATIONAL
    HOLLAND HEAD OFFICE
    SNELLERWAARDGRACHT 12,
    1107 EJ GAASPERDAM, AMSTERDAM,

    Dear Sir/Madam,
    Congratulations!

    With utmost joy, we are pleased to inform you of the result of the

    Postcode Lotterij International Inc. programs, held on the 7th of April 2006, which drew a cash prize of
    $1,225,000.00, covered with high insurance policy. Your e-mail address attached to Ticket/Code
    number 0087411652337 with claim/reference number
    085093785/92 drew these lucky numbers 007-49746-041-764-64-2091, Lottery number 76452901/27
    serial numbers 0076194298, and a batch numbers 008723514/21 which consequently won in the 1st
    category. You have been approved to receive a cash prize of $1,225,000.00 (One Million Two Hundred
    and Twenty Five Thousand United States Dollars).

    Be advised that due to incessant mix up in cash prize transfer to previous winners, we advise that you
    keep your winning information confidential until your claim has been processed and released to you. This
    security measure is critical; its a measure put in place to avoid double claims, transfer and unwarranted
    abuse of this program by other participants.

    METHOD OF SELECTING WINNERS:

    Participants were selected anonymously through a private ballot system (computer ballot) from over
    35,000 companies and 70,000 individual e-mail addresses all over the world. At the final draw your e-mail
    address emerged as the winner of our last jackpot.

    This is promotional program takes place bi-annually, and it is promoted and sponsored Orient software
    corporation (Orient Networks). It is met to reward some individuals and corporations who have devoted
    their time and resources surfing the World Wide Web (www) with their email addresses.
    Remember, all winning must be claimed not later than 20 days of this notification, after the expiration of
    that time frame, if your funds are unclaimed, it will be refunded to us and included in our next draws.
    We hope you will use part of your cash prize to participate in our next $18million draws in June 2006.
    Lastly, in order to avoid unnecessary delays/complications with the transfer of your funds to you, please
    always remember to quote your Code number in all correspondence with our legal adviser. To begin your
    claim and how to obtain your winning ticket number from the Game Board, please contact our Director,
    Claims agent

    GLOBAL NATIONAL AGENCY

    Mr. Michael Thomas

    Mrs. G.F Saskia

    Dr. Edward Makad

    Email: claimsagency44@netscape.net

    Tel: +31-644-865-470

    Fax: +31-847-520-454

    Furthermore, should there be any change of your present address, please notify us immediately so to
    make the appropriate adjustment.

    Congratulations from the management and staffs of Postcode Lotterij International.

    Yours faithfully,

    Mrs. Ruth Peterson

    The Promotions Manager.

  5. As a rule I never ever open e-mails from strangers, even if it appears to be genuine. My mail Ids are fairly private and I don’t conduct correspondence with a lot of people. No reason at all why a third party or an organization should suddenly contact me… even if they had something genuine to offer 🙂

  6. What is (not) funny is that there must still be people who fall for this sort of thing. I wouldn’t because I’m informed, but it’s scary that there are people who will read a 419 mail or a phishing mail and will respond.

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